|The Dancing Loner|

Joanne
22nd feburary 1988
captive at SP DMC
when i'm in a bad mood, fuck off

|Cant Get Enough|

`Samuel and Kevin
`Adidas
`dance
`dogs
`crapping
`manicure
`dark chocolate
`ice-cream
`oreo cheesecake
`bananas
`soft toys

|Absent From Her Life|

*$2000 for taiwan trip*
* $3500 for Japan trip *
* slimming down n maintaining it *
* Endless clothes from Topshop, Zara, Mango etc *
* Nice bag *
* A little doggie (NO Jack Russells please) *
* A concert ticket to NEWS concert *
* 1TB Hard-drive *
*Ipod Touch*
*Yukata*
*Sony Vaio VGN-FJ78GP/B*

|Dance Tune|

|The Important|

-----------------------------
(",) Sakae Wheelock
-----------------------------
ruiping
chuyun
huji
xueli
kia fang
wheehong
jian guo
gabriel

-----------------------------
(",) BPGHS
-----------------------------
pameela
siimynn
sara
ally
lynnie
grace
liling
audrey
zaki
leo

-----------------------------
(",) SP DMC 05
-----------------------------
regina
weijie
jonathan
zhili
kaymiang
nicole
carolyn
ifah
shaun
weheartshaun

-----------------------------
(",) SP DMC 05 (LJs)
-----------------------------
zhili
nicole
kmiang
nad
regina
weijie
weheartshaun

-----------------------------
(",) SP DMC Jrs
-----------------------------
mervyn
dominic aka weipin
mizah
mahirah

-----------------------------
(",) ADP 6K'ers
-----------------------------
carina
connie
debbie
eric
eugene

-----------------------------
(",) Uncle Vincent's
-----------------------------
aidi
val
mindi
marine
maisie
nikky

-----------------------------
(",) Mediacorp
-----------------------------
row
samantha
nat
pinghui

-----------------------------
(",) Others
-----------------------------
ng
jinwen
gaddafy
tze shweng
huida
hweeting
rubez
poh ying
ryu
eastyle wretch
eastyle yahoo
ahdi
energy
zhi yong

-----------------------------
(",) Redirecting
-----------------------------
hotmail
gmail
yahoo
facebook
youtube
friendster
hi5
singapore polytechnic

|Forgottened|

January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
December 2009
February 2010
August 2010

10個月來都忘了曾經有過的幸福。

今天，我找回來了。

原來幸福不需要很多。只要小小的，就很滿足了。今天，你滿足了我的幸福。就算這個幸福有點小殘缺，可是，心意是最重要的。有那個心，我就ok了。不需要更多。

就是個eh，我也很開心。因為，可能記得了。

可是，下次或許你要練一下自己的瞄準度和投射技巧。

不要再打到人了。

Translation:

I've forgotten abt this kind of happiness tat i once enjoyed for nearly 10 months...

but i experienced it again today...

You dun need to have alot to feel happy.. juz a little will do.. n today, u entitled me to tat little bit of happiness... even if it might nt b tat perfect, e heart bhind it is e most impt... with tat intention, im already satisfied...

even if its an "eh?", its even to bring me joy for an entire day... bcoz, u might have remembered...

but mayb... nxt time u wan to try to prefectionize ur throwing n aiming techniques?

we dun wan anyone hurt...

came home onli at abt 6am in e morniing... oh well.. it was a memorable nite n it was kind of exciting to b doing things like this..

sounds so ambiguous huh?

no lar!! dun anyhow think!! we were doing proper things... i mean, there was chen guo, me n ruiping...

n e story goes like this:

me, chuyun, ruiping, chenguo, pam were working our dinner shift at sakae when chuyun told us tat she received a msg from Mr Pervert (Mr P)... tat guy has been harassing pam for sometime... bcoz of tat, we concluded tat he might b waiting for pam under her block (which he often did) n in order we nab him, we decided tat me, ruiping n chenguo will send pam home b4 going back...

then we took NR 1 to pam's hse n we make chen guo n pam walk in front, like they r a couple while me n ruiping trailed bhind.. we juz walked a few metres b4 pam spotted him.. hehe..

whe was trying to walk away...

we told him to stop but he did not n we shouted but he juz walked faster... as im pissed off, i ran off to him n stood in front of him, blocking his way.. then ruiping n chen guo followed... kind of confronted him but he denied everything n claimed tat he was passing by... i mean, u dun stop at someone's blk n say u r passing by rite? he's kind of weird n abnormal.. n his physical actions makes me think att he's got violent tendancies..

to admit.. i was quite scared.. we then threatened to call e police n he kind of dared us so we called pam down n asked her wat she wan to do n she brought her mum.. who decided e police shld handle this...

we tried to tok to him while waiting for e police... but he juz keep denying n he was very agitated.. haha.. but i won e arguement!!! woohoo!!! ahhaha....

when police arrived, they was alot of thing going on lar.. first time i c pam so scared... but e police were useless as well.. but its a fact att they cnanot do anything to him as its not a criminal law to loiter at void decks n we cn onli sue him ourselves..

then we juz let him go n went back home.. me n ping was deciding to take NR 1 back to orchard then take our seperate NRs home when chuyun msged me n told me tat Mr P wanted t tok to us.. either pam or us anyway.. of coz we will rather he talk to us than scare pam lar.. so we aske dhim to meet us while we wiat for him at e bus stop..

when he came, he was very agitated again but he kept a distance from us.. then he started comign nearer n nearer as he got more agitated then chen guo shout at him to back off.. seriously.. i wasnt very scared coz i noe if anything hyappens, ruiping will b there to help since she was sitting bside me...

then came to a pt of time where i was very angry as well coz Mr P keep on saying things like "its my business with her".. "its my freedom.".. "its my choice"... "its wat i wan to do".. etc.. wah.. sibei irritating... keep saying this kind of shit.. how to solve prob?

then chen guo really flared up! scared me liek shit... then at this pt of time, ruiping 'woke up'! she was too tired to speak initially.. then she calmed us down n talked over it peacefully.. i tried to speak to him in a nice manner too (which was veyr hard)... but in e end we managed to came up with a conclusion.. which is good..

however, till nw, i still dun blive he was nt waiting for pam tat nite... n even if he promised us some stuff (n we've got record to prove it), i still think it wun last for long.. mayb a short time but nt long...

then after tat we thought we will wait for e first trian so went to mac to eat breakfast then talked over e day.. wahhahaha... fun...

go home, bath, sleep le... zzzzzzzzz

tats how it all ended... fun rite???

anyway, sch starts officially TODAY (since its past 12am)... argh.. i dun wan to go back!!

im seriously dreading sch yet looking forward to it at e same time... argh.. freedom's all gone n i have to buck up n return to e student version of me.. i still hate studying.. no doubt... damn it...

i was thinking of jinwen on my way back home for no apparent reasons. he juz popped into my head out of nowhere and that was when i realised its been a long time since we had any contact. on a surprising note, i do not miss him as terribly as i thought i would. afterall, it once crossed my mind tat i wun b able to leave without him in my life. yet, he hardly appears on my mind. flashed by once in a while, yes.

i'm beginning to think wat has happened to all e hormones tat were once raging, crying out for him. they seems to have silenced themselves as time pass by. and for the first time in my life, i really get the deepest meaning of what they say abt "there's no one on this earth who cnt live without another".

life still goes on without jinwen. even if he nv noes how much i liked him. it has nv gone on to e stage of love but i cn proudly say tat he's e one tat i liked e most. not crushes like wat happened in sec sch. not wat happened to weikang or even liankwee. i was sane all e while. i knew what i was doing and prepared to bear any consequences, good or bad. jinwen changed me to a certain extent.

but confidence nv found me. it was nv with me. i cldnt bear up e courage to say anything.

somethings r better kept silent.

mayb this is one of e secret tat i'll hold peace to till death.

registered for gems juz nw n it scred e shit outta me coz my firefox dunno got wat prob then in e end got prob when i registering modules n e thing is, tat module onli got 1 slot... haha.. lucky in e end i call ah li then she help me register.. nw me n yiqin both got e module le... depends on ah li le.. haha...

nxt sem gonna b FUN...

web-camed with my sis today..

oh.. she's still e piece of crap i love.. haha

went for work today, i felt weird.. like very long nv work le.. forgot how to do e things there le.. everything unfamiliar.. n everything juz feels weird.. but yet, its mostly a same.. then abit same.. onli closing then more normal...

n i juz received e ugly uniform which means, i cant wear polo tee n black pants to work anymre!! god bless me...

2nd announcement: to everyone who wans ruiping n huji, yiwin n chenguo de videos, plz PM me in msn.. i'll gladly send it to u.. haha

finally.. chalet!! ok.. here's in details wat i we did...

monday 11/9/2006

woke up early ly in e morning to buy fruits.. watermeln n honeydew.. piang.. tat bloody watermelon super heavy lar.. i almost cldnt carry it.. lucky got yiqin meet me at Ang Mo Kio MRT station then he carry for me e rest of e way.. yiqin is my best didi!! haha... [he's oso my onli didi btw..] met ah on at e mrt station n he saw me with yiqin.. suey arh!! dunno whether he got say anything or not.. but today got work like nv leh... dunno lar...

met up with e others then go to chuyun's hse... then chenguo n his bro arrived to drive us there in lorry.. first time sit in lorry.. its super fun lar!! i like!! hahaha.. e wind is very big lar... then my hair keep hitting my face.. haha.. then honeydew keep rolling abt.. dotz.. haha..

went to reception, got e keys n went into our room!! GT I!! i love u~! ahha.. tats our home for 4 days 3 nites... we keep calling it home lar... haha... everything oso "go back home"... packed our stuff then went to rent bikes.. everyone got singles.. fun fun!! haha.. we cycled e parks then later went n meet sara n jj who wanted to rent bikes too but all e bike rental shops r closed.. then got rain summre.. super heavy but lucky onli tat day have... went back to chalet n played games like monopoly..

midnight go cycle again in pasir ris then went all e way to changi village.. haha.. onli managed to return super early in e morning...

tuesday 12/9/2006

went to changi early in e morning with ruiping to send off my sister... at first i thought i wun cry then ruiping scolded me n say i bo sim.. haiz.. in e end still cry.. then dad drove us to buy scrub coz those guys burned e wok then need to clean... then he drove us back to chalet.. love ya daddy!!

went into chalet then first thing realised e door nv lock.. dotz.. nxt thing realised they nv clear up.. dotz.. third thing realised no room for us to sleep! dotz.. so we cleaned up e place then slept in e living room.. sleep a little bit then went with ruiping, chen guo n jujnjie to return all e bikes.. e 3 of em rode a bike n guided another one each while i juz rode one bike.. me dunno how to bike much mah... then come back le i force ruiping to go n sleep.. went to sleep myself oso.. e others went swimming n bballing... when we woke up, we go join em oso..

come back n break abit then prepare for bbq.. siewlii n jason joined us.. food was great... e chicken wings was good coz alot of honey!! hahaha.. but coz a few leftovers oso.. but we managed to clear e rest of e stuff... brought siewlii to mrt later.. then come back food mostly gone le..

then everybody walk to whitesands de 7-11 n buy stuff then went back le... then? we slept.. haha...

wednesday 13/9/2006

woke up then started playing card games... quite boring.. ordered mac delivery.. haha.. then cut watermelon n honeydew.. everybody eat n eat n eat.. then later went to arcade.. my bishi bashi lose to xueli they all lar!! hmph!! cannot.. nxt time muz prac le then WIN!! wahaha...

then went to watch sunset but onli c e sky darkening.. sian.. went back n send huji, sara, jj off... went back to chalet n played games.. forfeit is leftover chicken wings.. haha.. one for each game lost.. haha... in e end xueli n chuyun ate alot coz they pair up n play.. haha!!

we then played monopoly.. ruiping die e fastest... chenguo is e winner.. but whoever ends e game ealier cn bath so ruiping was e first to bath.. i was e 2nd last.. haha... sticky lor.. bath le then everybody stay in bed, joke ard, laugh laugh laugh.. then went to sleep le..

woke up in e middle of e nite to sleep then got to climb out of e breaky bed then i woke up ruiping.. when i came back, she saw tat i attempted to climb through e hole again then she snapped her fingers to get my attention, pointed towards her back, asking me to climb over her.. which i did.. haha.. climbing over her fun lor!!

thursday 14/9/2006

woke up in e moring, cooked breakfast which was hotdogs, eggs, bread n miso soup n watermelon.. haha... delicious.. very long nv eat breakfast le... then we sat at one table n eat.. then e pple came to help us do checking out but we were still having breakfast so they came later.. then cleaned everything, packed up n went home in e mrt with xueli, ruiping n chuyun... chenguo took bus..

i love u guys!! i love e chalet!! super fun sia!! when r we doing this again?? nxt outing when arh?? picnic arh??

im pissed.. totally...

i thought it wld b nice if i help out a little extra in e hse.. i thought it wld b nice if im nicer to my parents.. afterall, im e one tats ard em now..

but no..

my mum have to piss me off as usual.. as long as im home, she cnt stop nagging... n she cnt stop using her shit attitude to tok to me.. i already tried my best to not return her any shit attitude.. but her brain seems to tell her otherwise... im already giving her shit attitude as long as i turn ard when she calls n reply with a "huh?"

then she starts bugging me n ask me y i always seems to b nice when im out but e moment when im home, im an attitude girl..

i cn onli think of 2 reasons..

1. bcoz there's always u bugging me when im home
2. bcoz u always seems to b thinking tat im attitude-ing u...

oh fuck.. i wan to get out of this bloody hse.. i dun wan to stay here.. i dun wan to go to sch.. fuck it.. leave me to die...

me, my fault, my responsibility

i've juz started typing this blog entry at e time of 2am in e morning n im supposed to b asleep, judging from e fact tat i have to wake at 9am tml in order to go down to atrium, collect e cheques n go back to wheelock b4 11.30am so tat i will not b late for my work.

n thnx to ernest for the.. well.. 'encouragement' :
"u have a tendency to b late.. haha.."

i was blog hopping juz nw n seriously, i wonder how come pple blog so maturely n realised in a moment how stupid my entries sound sometimes.. but of coz, e bloggers r of age 20 n 24 respectively.

e one of 24 is Catherine whom i've met from SSA n a NYP design student as well. in fact, she's jinwen's classmate whom went to NTU first then NYP. mature girl n i do like her but i muz admit, i have problems speaking to mature pple. bcoz? i depends on my lame shit to get along with pple, make em laugh n comfortable but some stuff seems so stupid in front of em tat i feel shallow n small. i cnt bring myself to tok to em coz i'll b scared if i say e wrong things n they'll b thinking "this girl is so stupid" n i might as well jump off a bridge.

[p.s: catherine noes wayne (jinwen's brother) on a very familiar basis. i wonder y.]

but then, e weird thing abt me is tat i am able to think of a paragraph of profound stuff to blog abt at some point of time but realised later on tat i've completely forgotten every single sentence. in addition, i am one who blogs spontaneously. i juz type something and it goes on. i usually dun force myself abt things to blog.

if i ever read back on my entries NOW, i'll b scanning all my own stupidity, lameness, craps and then look back in disgust. BUT, this is still my life.

i stayed back in Wheelock today even though i ended work at 9pm to speak to ernest n then i think i learnt a lesson. not from ernest, but from ruiping.

pple like me n her r always trying to make pple laugh, the chatty n happy souls of e grp aka e noisest. it seems tat its e way we r. ruiping was silent n quite nonchalent abt stuffs today n everybody thought tat she was moody n something was upsetting her. thinking back, mayb she was onli trying to b serious but we r so used to e jumpy ruiping tat we cnt take it when she quietens down. it will seem like its not her. but mayb tat IS her, but juz another side of her which we've nv seen.

im beginning to wonder wat am i like exactly? wat kind of character i have? am i juz trying to b somebody tat is most accepted? or am i being e real me?

argh... this is such an emo n long post.. its kind of depressing if its going to b like this all e way.. we need a change of mood..

calvin.. if he dare to touch me again, no matter where, i'll kill him.. then i'll slice him n ask xiaoming to fry him like kakiage, use as gyu niku teriyaki, or thrown into e mix hotpot... n tat applies if he touches any of e girls again. even e hair, damn u pervert.

debbie. life without her is GOOD.. one week of enjoyment!! dun need to here her voice in e outlet!! awww.. wat a pity.. we're not going to b at e outlet anyway.. lolz.. WE'RE BE AT CHALET!!

my sister packed her clothes out already n she left a few bhind for me.. however, 3/4 of e cupboard is still gone.. arh.. im gonna pack in all my NEW clothes now... if i have e money though.. any donations?? cheque n cash r both accepted... *grinz*

life.. still have to carry on...

i'll b kidding u if i say i dun give a damn abt whether other pple likes me or not.. yes.. I DO CARE.. im human afterall.. n i still wan u to like me even if i doesnt like u.. haha.. so i do care abt how others look at me..

i think Ms T disliking me for a guy is a stupid reason but i DO CARE.. esp since its a stupid reason like this..

n someone like Miss D whom i dislike from work dislikes me (i think) n i care too.. coz it sucks to b disliked by such a sucky person n e worst thing is tat u dun even noe u r disliked for wat..

mayb Ms D n Ms T shld shake hands n b frens.. haha... they'll get along n their common topic will b ME.. haha.. im kinda bitter abt this... i mean.. y does it have to happen to ME??

on e other hand, i went out with jinwen today n we watched this:



The Devil Wears Prada

n seriously, except for e first scene, i dun really c any Prada ard.. Chanel has been mentioned a few times though. but e movie is pretty good.. love e clothes n e storyline.. lolz.. love e company..
n this is one photo we've taken using my phone...



YES!! he shaved his head for e coming NS.. thanks to e effort of Fbodz who all chionged down to Ben's hse for a session of fun with jinwen's hair n then chocolate fondue.. wahaha... i bet jinwen has enough of sweet stuff..

i cldnt recognize him when he walked towards me.. ohmygod.. i cnt blive it.. still.. he's e same old jinwen i knew.. e one i liked.. *grinz*

all of a sudden. holding xiaoming's hand was nth at all.. it cnt even compared to juz looking at jinwen..

e rest of e photos r with him.. wait till i get it k?

arh... happy day..

i held hands with someone today!! haha.. coz i played a game with him.. haha...

today tio runner.. piang.. tired...

i think e girl involved in e case really gonna kill me de... ruiping's words might as well juz confirm tat im interested in e guy or something like tat.. shit.. i wonder wats in stored for me...

worked full today n is as tiring as every full saturday... had my break at 5pm n i break ALONE.. huji lar.. go find someone else le.. lolz.. coz she got treat! i dun have! lolz.. nvm.. then i sit at 25 alone then ahzi come out n chit chat with me, ah-on come n kajiao me, then i watch show at e back of e kitchen... c em busy busy.. then coz xiaoming frying things then he wear tat long sleeve thing which jinwen they all wore b4 in kelly poon's mtv.. haha.. i like tat backview esp.. =P...

then today we confirmed tat e girl likes e guy today.. y? coz they break together with another guy n girl... then when e guy was 'sleeping', e girl tok very normally, nv really smile. but when e guy join in e conversation, then she smile until super bright lar! ohmygod.. cannot stand it.. then when e guy gone, she went back to e not smiling self.. then e guy go smoking, she followed oso, but step out later than him..

i seriously think tat disliking me for such a stupid reason is really childish.. but wat cn i do? i wan to keep my distance from e guy which means nt tokin to him or even look at him but e rest disagrees.. hmm.. actually, its stupid oso lar... i shld nt care abt e girl.. yup.. anyway.. e guy got gf le lor~! cohabit summre leh...

stupid ah leong.. i seriously dun like him...

wah.. super tired... tml work lunch le then go yiqin's bdae... lolz.. he called me to scold me for not remembering his bdae.. coz its one day b4 his bbq mah.. lolz.. he wan to kill me le...

today very sian at work.. dunno y.. sian sian de mood.. chuyun oso.. chen guo oso.. then whole day work sian sian de...

since e computer is mine, i shld have e right to decide whether i wan to set a password rite? n being my protective n privacy consicous self, i set one for my com.

n then, here comes e blaming.

im supposed to allow e com for free access to my mum so tat she cn play this mahjong game installed. seriously, i wldnt have minded to take off e password if my mum were to tell me but i hate it when my sister use her bitching tone on me n tells me wat to do n tat setting a password for my com is wrong. y cnt i do things e way i wan since e com is mine? u set a password for ur laptop too!

seriously, n e more they tell me they wun touch my things, e more worried i get. its not like my mother doesnt use to search my things. she used to open up my cupboard when im not ard n ransack it. n since my mum cn operate e mahjong game, wat makes me think my mother wun anyhow click ard e com? n wat makes me think my fucking sister wun teach my mum how to?

its not like i dun wan to trust em but they have invaded my privacy way too much b4. n i cnt help but need to protect wats little left of mine.