Sunday, May 27, 2007
its karma.. all karma...
bloody karma...
BUH-bye
2:36 am
Thursday, May 24, 2007
i think secrecy n mysterious shld NEVER b linked to me.. no way i cn do anything without telling anyone..
i got tired of keepin it underneath... i had to "protect" him though.. but im tired.. so im endin it all... so i wldnt have to keep it anymore.. coz e secret wldnt exist..
now mayb, i'll walk abt with less burden...
n a happier me...
BUH-bye
12:07 am
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Okay, I KNOW I just posted an entry regarding giving him up, yesterday.
And I'm already regretful today. Not regretting the decision. But it is the fact that I still mind alot and care about him, somewhere in my heart.
I was upset yesterday when he came home at 1am in the morning and telling me that he was very tired. Why was I upset? Because I was thinking, who was he out with that he can enjoy life with till such a late time when it usually does not apply to me. = =+
I am totally not important to him at all. Not at all.
My decision is right and I have to stick by it.
BUH-bye
3:14 pm
Friday, May 18, 2007
I only remembered truely loving two boys in my life...
I never thought I could actually fall in love. I was never the kind of person who gives in a relationship. I am usually e taker and the thing is, the boys let me do it. I take what I need, only giving in occassionally.
Yes, I heard that, you are calling me a selfish bitch. I know I am one. You don't have to remind me.
Jinwen was a guy who let me give everything whole-heartedly. For once, I did not ask for anything back. He was worth every penny of my efforts and to me, even now, he is still Mr Perfect. He was a dream that I would never be able to attain, a music that I would never be able to play.
He was the first boy that I loved, but technically the second.
Because, the other boy made me love him, both before and after loving Jinwen.
You were somebody that I didn't expect to appear in my life again. I would have gladly want you out of it all and never to come back. You came back without a word, a quiet entrance. We started it all off. I should have knew that you didn't come back, hoping to be friends. You came back for more, to be more than friends. You wanted to pick up where we left off. I let you. I gave it a chance and let you into the heart again.
It was all a mistake.
You didn't mean to hurt me. I know you didn't and you wouldn't have. But you did, in a way that you did not imagine. You have no idea how much neglect kills. You have no idea how much a girl needs company. You didn't realise that even I would get hurt.
I would not patiently wait for you, you know. I would have in the past. But not now. I grew up.
You matured over the time, honey. But still not yet enough. You still hadn't understand a girl.
Maybe one day, when you grew up somemore, you would know what I wanted better. Perhaps, you can give me what I want then.
That will be the time when we'll be together, fulfilling the promises that we made.
But for now, allow me to leave you behind, to shield myself from all the hurt.
You were the right one. Its just the wrong time.
BUH-bye
7:48 pm
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
u noe how sometimes, nobody has got to specify anything or even put names on to anyone.. but everyone seems to noe very well everything tt is happening ard pple...
or u seems to detect exceptionally well when u r mentioned somewhere.. mayb not in a very good light.. u've got no idea how u noe but u juz do (but there r really some individuals who has got too much on their brains)
i always wonder how u shld read things like tt..
im.. in a confused mood.. n im kind of doing e escaping scene all over again.. im pulling myself in bit by bit..
one day, i'm going to run from everything...
n i really cnt take it anymre.. my mood is going down down down down and down.. nobody is helping to pick it up... i'm trying but i seems to sink deeper in.. its like im in a swarm... n i cnt get out of it..
mayb i'll juz let e swarm swallow me... mayb i shld learn to b alone..
yeah, embrace loneliness, pple~~
BUH-bye
7:49 pm
Monday, May 14, 2007
i miss being a kid...
its irritating to grow up.. as u grow up n responsibility crashes on u, its oso squeezing e fun out of u... u have to learn to change.. change so tt u r approved by e society.. u have to wear a mask everywhere n let pple think tt, TTS YOU.. when its actually not at all... u cn nv b urself again.. u r becoming wat e world wans u to bcome.. n if u look ard u.. everyone r basically clones of each other..
fun is nv a factor tt u will ever consider again.. coz practicality n reality takes over.. it juz swallows u whole..
pple r fighting each other to climb up e ladder of power.. so much so tt nobody remembers their innocence anymre... e simple days when everything is abandoned bhind..
i hate growing up.. but its something nobody cn avoid..
now, i have to learn to b like one of e adults... haiz...
BUH-bye
11:34 pm
Friday, May 11, 2007
i feel bad.. i shouted at mum today n i really didnt mean it.. now she's really really angry.. n i cn tell tt we're not going to b toking for quite some time.. i dun wan it to happen.. i juz wasnt feeling well n too tired to hear.. its not an excuse, i noe.. but i cldnt help it.. it juz hit my nerves at tat pt of time.. now she's nt even wanting to hear me out..
n i juz had e urge to do a google... n well.. i juz realised tt he had time for everyone.. except me of coz.. sets me thinking again.. its juz words.. always juz words...
but he said he'll b there.. n mayb.. im going to blive it once mre...
BUH-bye
10:06 pm
if everything tt im going to get is hurt.. i might as well give everything up.. e thing is, i cnt bear to let go.. how cn i? all tt we have been through.. its like a beautiful fairytale.. mayb wat i wan was e fairytale.. not u.. n to u? wat am i? how do u c me n how impt m i to u?
nvm.. better not think too much b4 i get scolded by him again...
hmm.. in scriptwriting class now n i swear.. its ULTRA BORING!! prob one of e most boring class i ever had.. awwwwww...
!@#$%^&
argh.. cnt help it.. back to e boy.. i miss him!! =(.. its been nearly ONE MTH... damn u.. =(.. okok.. i noe u DID try n our schedule juz doesnt match.. so irritating... haiz...
im going to forget hw my bf look like one day.. haix...
BUH-bye
11:15 am
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
i hadnt been in e mood to blog lately.. n there is much things to blog abt anyway.. some feelings r ever present.. n it turns into a habit where u dun find it unique anymre..
im drained lately.. physically n emotionally.. my emotions have nv been much on e jolly side.. n my physical conditions is going downhill.. i cn feel myself crumbling inside..
i need something to cheer me up.. really..
*pt to note: Ms Nga, take good care of tt leg eh? lol.. Ms Kwa, we have to stop Ms Nga from walking ard too much.. lol..*
BUH-bye
1:20 am
Sunday, May 06, 2007
n i told her it was like dating a kid.. no kiddin.. e way i saw him behave.. n i told my girl not to waste her time..
he's champion. really.. first i've to b so selfish.. so self-centred n everything abt urself.. someone who dun even spare a thought for others.. someone who refused to look into a mirror n c a crack in urself..
my flu has gone down.. i got better.. i think he might juz give me another fever..
think i shld tok to him more often.. he helps to rise my blood pressure..
ohmy! he cn keep me alive~! nw im being sarcastic..
this is such an entry of crap... conclusion? im pissed.. i hate camels..
BUH-bye
2:03 am
